Saturday, February 18, 2023

Happy Birthday, Ryan...

...missing you on your special day.   

It's been a strange winter so far, but for today, anyway, it looks like so many of your birthdays did:

Cold, windy, snowy.

Funny that you would have been one of winter's children since you grew to detest the cold and snow.

I wasn't happy when you moved south, but you seemed to like it and for a time, anyway, you were doing well there.

No need to rehash all of that; it's behind you now, and I'm happy for peace and fulfilled, enjoying the glories of heaven with your Savior:

Even so, it doesn't stop me from running a fool's errand now and then, thinking about opportunities missed, things I should have done while you were in my care, but did not; things I did, but should not.

I can't help thinking there was a watershed, a critical point in time, where if I'd stopped being jerked around by the tyranny of the urgent, and had instead paid attention to the quietly important, things might have been different.

You were unobtrusively communicating your needs every day through things you said and did, with words you didn't say, deeds you didn't do...but I was too busy with the here and now, playing whack-a-mole with the noisily immediate.

And somewhere along the way you stopped coming to this dry well and turned instead to other means of having your needs met.

You moved on; I let you go.

I'm so thankful God held onto you.

"I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee," He promises in Hebrews 13:5, and of course He never did.

Do they celebrate birthdays in heaven?

If so, please know I'm wishing you a happy one today, and looking forward to the time when I'll see you again.

Love you, Ryan.

  - Dad

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