...we've been so busy...
...the season almost slipped by us.
But not quite...7 more days 'til Christmas, so let's do this:
One Week To Go...
...and all through the land...people clamored to know, "O, when will it end?!"
"The answer's contained in the statement, my dear,
"Just 7 more days 'til Christmas is here!"
So hurry and watch those shows on TV!
The halls all need decking; you must trim the tree!
But somewhere amidst all the sparkle and shine,
The tumult and chaos that's stealing your time,
Take a moment or two for calm meditation;
Remember the Reason for this celebration.
The lights and the glitter are all well and good,
The ornaments, presents, songs and the food...
But when you consider the Grand Scheme of things,
They're really just heralds for our Newborn King.
So sing and be merry with those that you love,
But always remember God's gift from above.
With shepherds and Angels we echo it still:
"Glory to God, peace on earth and good will."
Now for a lesson in...
Apparently you're not supposed to say those types of things out loud, because a day or two later, guess what stopped working?
Frustrating.
Thus began an immediate two pronged approach to solving this problem:
1) a search for a suitable replacement, which resulted in this:
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| shooting some 9 ball, listening to Elvis croon Christmas carols and watching the Lions beat Minnesota...no, really! |
Love the warm scent of tube radios, TV's and phonographs.
Happy to report enjoyment of Christmas vinyl has resumed with reckless abandon.
But that's not the serendipitous event.
Since I didn't want my Weltron to sit broken and unused, I continued my problem resolution activities with:
2) an internet search for folks who repair vintage turntables.
This is somewhat akin to searching for Bigfoot...
...though unlike Mr. B, they do appear to exist.
Not in abundance, by any means - and many of them seem to be websites only, rather than functioning businesses.
Multiple email and contact form inquiries yielded a grand total of 1 response...from someone in Tennessee who said "...we have a gigantic backlog and might be able to get to your Weltron sometime in 2023, but no guarantees; check back in January."
Well.
Into this gloomy scenario, enter my new neighbor - who moved in this summer, literally right next door.
In casual conversation I mentioned my broken Weltron, to which he quite unexpectedly replied:
"Wow, those are rare nowadays. If you like I can fix it for you."
One doubletake and a not so quick tour of his workshop later - he has over 2,000 radios, turntables and miscellaneous audio equipment, including an incredible 1954 juke box he rebuilt himself - I left my Weltron in the most capable hands in the Midwest.
And that boys and girls, is what's known as Serendipity.
Since the Onrushing Holiday has you in its sights and...
...we here at the AMC have come up with some coping strategies for you...ways you can mitigate the stress of dealing with that whole gift giving / relatives scene.
We've conveniently grouped them into 4 categories, based on personality type:
The Stoic
1. Grin and Bear it - not just a comic strip started in the 1930's...
...but an actual method of managing holiday stress, to wit:
What, you think you're the first person who's ever had to fork out for presents nobody needs and endure bad breath and body odor from people swimming in your gene pool?
Come on, buck up and take it like a man!
The Actor
B. Disguise yourself - get some Groucho Glasses:
This is a sure fire method of being instantly unrecognizable even to your closest associates.
Why?
Because the world today is so historically and culturally illiterate, they couldn't identify this man...
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| "To our wives and girlfriends! May they never meet." |
...if they found him swimming in their Duck Soup.
Let's face it, if it didn't happen to them personally within the last 24 hours on their phone, they don't know anything about it.
Answer the door with your Groucho Glasses on and they'll run screaming for their safe space, convinced the dictator of Freedonia is poised to commit a micro-aggression against them.
The Houdini
III. Move without leaving a forwarding address - an extreme but effective means...
...of escaping those unpleasant holiday tasks, like, y'know...being there.
The Muskovite
$. Colonize Mars - admittedly this requires a bit of patience and forward thinking...
...but if you're ready to close ranks with those leaving it all behind, this could be your ticket out of the holiday stress grinder.
So mark your calendar for 2060.
Until then, do what most folks do anyway: stare at the device in your palm and ignore all nearby lifeforms as if they're from another...well, you get the idea.
Ibe habes, heortophobiacs...everything you need to survive the season.
This service has been brought to you *FREE* of charge, forethought, substance and meaning.
No need to thank us...it's what we do.
Time for a quick sleigh ride...
...through the Parting Shots department...
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| they said we could get up to foot of the white stuff this weekend... |
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| ...and they were close...10.5" |
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| future project: a wine cellar, perfect for our half basement |
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| another fan of Seafood Sensations |
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| meanwhile, outside the Wild_Hare Pool Hall... |
Never fear, there's a whole week to go before Christmas blows onto the scene...
...so you've still got plenty of time to panic.
Before you do, a reminder from God's Word:
later, mcm fans...
